Saturday, February 4, 2017

Not Fine

   When did it become wrong or even a sin to say you're not fine? Why is it fine to lie about being fine when you're not fine, but it's wrong to be honest and tell the truth? What the what?!

   I'm not fine having my heart torn into pieces as I pull my son kicking and screaming off of my body because I have to hand him back to a nanny in the orphanage...and then walk away from him for months upon months. I'm not fine with being "pregnant" for 4 1/2 years and counting when I was told it would be half that time and my heart is heavy for the longing of giving "birth." I'm not fine when I see apathy and greed trump children and families. And I'm certainly not fine when people expect me to be fine with all this.

   Jesus wasn't "fine" the moment He was sweating drops of blood as He came face to face with the reality of His situation. He wasn't "fine" when He was carrying His literal cross on the way to Calvary. I don't recall Scripture saying that Jesus flashed His best Ken smile as He passed by the crowd, dripping blood with every step, and reassuring everyone He was "Fine, just fine." So don't expect me to flash my Barbie smile as I'm carrying my own cross. And besides, Barbie smiles hurt, so why add to the pain?

   (And an FYI to all the Pharisaical people out there that are dying to scream, "Contentment, contentment, contentment!": I'm human, not perfect. So you can just ride your high horse off into the sunset. "Content Pharisee" is an oxymoron anyway. Get over yourselves.)

   The fact is that we live in a fallen world that will sometimes--and excuse my King James--sucketh. I'm owning it. I'm NOT fine right now. So if you ask me how I'm doing, don't expect a Barbie smile and a "Fine, thank you." I'd rather be real. Authenticity is what the world needs, not "fine." Whatever happened to entering into another person's suffering and taking it on as your own? Whatever happened to joining that person in the ashes and sitting quietly by their side?

   I'm not always going to be a happy clappy Christian. And you know what? I'm fine with that.


  1. Well spoken. Jesus did weep. He did get mad over injustice. He spoke up against wrong. He hurt. He turned to His Father for comfort. Courage my sister! Praying for you.