Soon

   When I last left my son in Haiti, I told him I'd be back "soon" but what does that look like to a nearly 4-year-old? To a little boy who's probably never heard those words before, I'm sure the meaning was lost to him. All he knows is that the ones whom he has been told are his mama and papa walked away from him. Left him crying. Said they'd be back "soon"--whatever that means.

   What do you do when the financial well has run dry and you can't afford to visit your own child? How do you function when the wheels of injustice continue to run over you? What do you do when "soon" feels like forever?

   Time and time again my heart has been shattered. Time and time again I've picked up the pieces and given them to the Lord, the only One who can bring beauty from brokenness.

   And so with David I continue to cry out, "How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?" (Psalm 13:1-2).

   "It will be all worth it in the end," they say. Yes, I'm sure it will be. But I don't live "in the end." I live in the here and now where my heart is 1,500 miles north of my son, where my children write "my brother home" for their Christmas list...four years in a row, where tears don't yet taste sweet.

And so Baby Boy, mama will be back soon; I just don't know if it will be my soon or God's soon. Hopefully the two collide in the very near future. For now, Sweet One, "soon" is the best this mama can do.

 

 

 

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